My heroes always carried a glove, not a cape. Somewhere in my closet, I had a nice collection of comic books, but they were just a collection. My pride and joy were my baseball cards. I spent countless hours memorizing stats, sorting them and creating trades in my head (an early precursor to fantasy baseball). These weren’t just guys playing baseball. They represented everything I wanted to be. Simply put, the Houston Astros were my life. To a large degree, they still are, but it’s not and will never be the same again. As a kid, I was fortunate enough to have had many encounters with these superheroes, but in the end, those experiences have become a touch too bittersweet.
Ken Caminiti was the greatest 3rd baseman I’d ever seen. Maybe he wasn’t, but when you’re nine, you have a distorted frame of reference. All I knew was that he could stop a bullet down the line and fire off a fastball to first that would have made Nolan Ryan blush. Yeah, and he swung a mean stick. But more than that, he was a good guy, and he played for my team. Bagwell, Biggio, Gonzalez, they all were. How could they not be? I cheered for them, I wore a smile for weeks after I got one of them to sign a ball for me, and I religiously watched them at night. Even after Caminiti was traded to San Diego, he was still a Houston Astro for me. Being one was more than a jersey; he just happened to play elsewhere. I had no perspective at that age about the “business” end of sports. It was so much more than just that.
In 1996, Ken Caminiti reached the top with the Padres. He was named the 1996 National League MVP and won his second consecutive Golden Glove. A couple of years later, he made it to the Series. And like many athletes, he had a rough end to his career. Suddenly, he could no longer make the plays or manage his way through the pain. Ultimately, he flamed out at first base for the Braves. All in all, though, it was still a great career.
And then it happened. Eight years and many confessions later, Caminiti was dead. I had lost a part of me. I had lost my innocence. Superheroes weren’t supposed to die. Or have a cocaine habit. Or cheat. Watching his fall was painful. I poured over his Sports Illustrated story and tales of steroid abuse. All those stats I had memorized now had a nice, big asterisk.
But this is not about steroids or other drugs. It’s about last piece of the puzzle that Caminiti’s demise helped me figure out about baseball, sports and, well, everything. What I saw so clearly as a kid became an impossibility as an adult.
Realizing that so many of my idols were false idols makes it hard for me to be a baseball fan nowadays, or at least one that’s not cynical. Baseball is a proud and stubborn sport, to say the least. It’s basked in tradition and numbers. And for a good part of my youth, many of those playing at the highest level blatantly disregarded this history. I’d like to believe baseball has cleaned itself up over the last few years. And while the cynic in me is ready to forgive the sport, I refuse to forget. After all, I still find myself comparing every third basemen today to Caminiti.
But cynicism has its limits: As an adult, I realize athletes aren’t mythological. They’re just people like you and me. Like many, Caminiti had his flaws and made his share of mistakes. Unfortunately, his mistakes (and those of other athletes) were put in the spotlight for everyone to see. But I still believe he was a good guy. He had to be.
Then, in 2004, I began dating a man who was an ardent Chicago Bears fan. At the beginning of our relationship, it was easy to avoid the games: Adam would be busy on Sunday afternoons, and I’d find something else to do. Football gave me an excuse to have boozy brunches with my ladies. (Though, come to think of it, I probably didn’t need an excuse.) Once we began cohabiting, though, the NFL was much harder to avoid. Initially, we struck a bargain: If I received physical attention in the form of cuddling, I’d watch the games with him. Then the bargain extended to the bar: I’d only come if at least one of my beers was purchased for me and there were wings. Inadvertently, I started learning about the game. At the beginning, I would make up meanings for the call gestures: holding wasn’t holding, it was fisting; that’s not a false start, but rather a sign for the bossa nova (time for a dance break)! The discovery of a new favorite sound made the game even more entertaining: When the rival team attempted a field goal and missed by hitting the posts, the resounding klongggggggg was pure pleasure. Eventually, I did actually accumulate some knowledge, though I’m still nowhere near the level of my male friends who make the calls before the referees do.
My path to being interested in sports on any level hit each of these marks. My good friend, Danny, worked for a time on the Major League Soccer website. That, combined with a trip to Adam’s Chicago family, gave the boys a perfect opportunity to introduce me to soccer. (I still think it should be called football, as it is everywhere else in the world and is far more accurate.) As I said before, what I knew of soccer extended to the tips of my braids, but they were committed to changing that. And what better way than to take me to a live game? Not just any live game, though: The opening of Chicagoland area’s Toyota Park in June 2006. When it comes to sports, live games are good, opening days are better and grand openings are best—talk about fanfare! During the game they gave me insights and explanations on how the game was played (much the same way they would on Sunday afternoons at football bars). Our seats were not the best in the arena, but from where we were sitting I could see many of the players and quickly developed a crush on Chicago Fire’s lanky 
Almost as bad (and much more idiotic) as the bandwagon hopper is the polygamist who claims to have two or more favorite teams within the same sport. The worst is when the two teams fall within the same division of the particular sport. I went to high school with a guy who claimed that his two “favorite” NBA teams were the Celtics and the Knicks. Liking these two teams equally is an impossibility, as they compete for the same division every year. The inherent flaw of this guy’s logic exposes itself when the two teams face off against each other: He then roots for the Celtics. If that’s the case, then you can’t claim for the Knicks to be your favorite, Bruno. Look up the definition of “favorite” some time. You’ll see what I mean.
There are people in Kentucky who will threaten bloody murder upon hearing the words “Christian” and “Laettner” one after another. Because 